This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
