thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
