The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
