I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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