So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
