I will die if light touches me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
