hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
