I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
