I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
