when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Alive.
So much puke
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
