I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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