when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
