You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
