I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
