She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
