so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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