the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
