is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
