Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am available for nakedness
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
