mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
pray to the hookup gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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