He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
