So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
