i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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