Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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