I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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