i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
