Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
