I hate your face
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
