Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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