Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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