Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
