Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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