im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
