we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
