True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you didnt know i had herpes?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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