Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize