I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You ruined the universe
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
