yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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