Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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