Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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