there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
