We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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