i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
