I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
