I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
