We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
