guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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