i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
