I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Small penises have feelings too.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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