Kiss
Puke
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
