You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
