Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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