I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
