It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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