someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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