My liver just broke up with me...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
