i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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