I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
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Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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