this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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