If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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