She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
