My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
