im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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