I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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