White coat. Heels.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
